Unsettling Dream

13 Mar

I woke from a dream in which, although I’m middle-aged, I was moving in with my parents.

Early on the dream, my brother and nephew were with us, and we all met up at a building, perhaps a restaurant. First I was waiting in line with my parents, and then I spotted Francis and Malcolm and we talked about something and they headed out, and I decided to go with them, so I was following. It seems to me like the place had very red décor.

My parents and I, just the three of us, were hanging out together—it seems like we were at a shopping mall at some point.

In another scene, we were all three in the house and doing some rearranging to accommodate my stuff and me. I had to rearrange my bedroom and was thinking as though I had the intention of putting all of my possessions in that room, even though I was a middle-aged adult in the dream, the same age I am now. But I had the intention of taking care of my parents, helping them out in their old age.

A desk space wrapped around the edges of my bedroom, and I started arranging stuff on it, including my dollhouse. From another room, I overheard my dad saying something about my needing to finish up redecorating my dollhouse; he was talking to my mother and added, “You still have [something or other], don’t you?” I don’t know if she replied. I felt aware of having a lot of worldly possessions, a lot of knick-knacks and things I’d collected over the years.

A moment later, I was standing in the doorway of my bedroom, and it was drastically different from the room that really had been my bedroom. It was tiny, maybe the size of what started out as my brother’s bedroom, became the nursery/my sister’s bedroom, and ultimately became the library after I finished college and my sister moved into my old bedroom (which was a lot larger).

Anyway, the bedroom I’d be using now had drab grey-yellow carpet that I realized was rather less than impressive and dingy, and I was wondering how I’d fit all my stuff into that tiny space. I was barefoot and was standing there and, while lost in thought, rubbing my bare toes into the carpet.

It suddenly occurred to me: I thought Dad died. How is it possible we’ve been spending all this time with him? Next I realized that I was drowsy and thought I must have just woken from a dream. I couldn’t hear my dad talking anymore, and I suddenly felt scared, terrified that it was true that he was dead.

Then I woke up…and remembered that both my parents are dead.

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