A Dream about Social Rejection and Gaslighting

27 Oct

I had a dream in which I was one of four young women, in our twenties, going to a convention. They kind of singled me out for ridicule while we were all sitting in a shuttle. One of them may have been in the military. They were all skinny and white, with long red hair or long blond hair; the one to my left had titian hair.

They were talking about something, and I was trying to follow. The one on my right said something about red-heads. I didn’t understand what she meant and asked. She spoke quickly and seemingly, and part of what she said was, “You’re rather a fool…”

I felt as though she slapped me. That may have been when I scooted further away from her and said, “You’re mean, and I don’t like you.”

She then accused me of being snobby and insulting, and I said, “You’re projecting,” though simultaneously I felt confused and was trying to figure out if that was true and wondering what I said or did to make her think that. (That clearly represented gaslighting.)

Meanwhile, I sensed that the other two were on her side against me they didn’t come to my defense.

At some point in the dream, I was standing with a bunch of luggage in front of an elevator in what looked like a hotel hallway. I’d been sent to another hotel, while everyone else was checked into the hotel where the con was taking place, so here I was being switched to the con hotel. Several people were standing there talking with me. The elevator was taking a long time.

Kay appeared, and I chatted with her. There was a high, long window to our right, and she pointed out how close we were to the ocean. We were in Hawaii. I stood on tiptoes and peeked, and I could see a beach and water rolling toward it, and I got excited about where we were.

The elevator finally arrived, and by then many people had been waiting for it. I may have been the person who made a comment about how we’d get all that luggage onto the elevator. Someone took the comment very seriously, and next thing you know, people backed off, and I was one of only a few on the elevator, and it was only half full. I felt guilty that I was one of the lucky ones.

Another scene, back in the shuttle: the vehicle was moving, surrounded by traffic, and I was seated on the left side and looking with my head turned toward a little front window–it was like riding a tuk-tuk in Nepal. I saw that we were about to drive through a tunnel.

My mind was full of self-doubt in this dream. I had thought I was sort of like a compassionate warrior, an activist working for the greater good, but right then I was wondering if I was evil, some selfish villain. It would explain why nobody liked or respected me. (Interestingly, that sounds like me when I’m being gaslighted.)

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