A Dream about…not Being Yourself

3 May

I had a dream about a wealthy and privileged young man from a Middle Eastern country.

He lived in an enormous mansion, maybe a palace—the rooms were so huge—and had a lot of extended family and a bunch of friends.

He was spoiled and arrogant. He thought he could just propose to a young woman, and she’d be eager to marry him…so when she jilted him, he was very arrogant and offended, which of course offended her. It seems to me like he had some clash with Westerners; she may have been a Westerner.

He typically wore a suit of lightweight off-white and beige material. He’d wear a jacket/blazer that was beige, over off-white trousers and shirt or tunic. And maybe sometimes an Islamic prayer hat.

Scenes sometimes alternated with moments when I had the perspective of a writer writing this very same story (which happens a lot in my dreams).

Oh, yes…This young man was famous, and crowds gathered to see him. There was a party where he ccx was expected to appear and give a speech, and people kept inquiring about him. But a young male friend of his showed up and announced that he didn’t feel like attending and giving this speech.

The main character believed that he had to be in a perfectly good mood whenever he was around many people (and that was a huge party). He thought he had to be smiling and cheerful and bubbly in all such situations.

People were very disappointed that he wasn’t at the party, and he learned of their displeasure. He came to realize that what he was doing was inappropriate and selfish, so he showed up at the next party and apologized to everyone (or maybe it was the same party). He explained that he’d always assumed that he was supposed to be some character out of a 1960s movie, not a regular person with deep emotions, not someone who was three-dimensional even in public. He promised he’d never do that again–that he’d need a better reason to not show up at parties.

People cheered and were happy. Lots of people were talking at once, many sitting at extremely long couches in a big, central pit. The young prince sat down on one of those couches and stretched an arm across the back. He seemed relaxed now.

Someone cheerfully mentioned a harem.

 

Awake, I see that this dream was about pretending to be someone you’re not because the real you is unacceptable, at least toward your family and society. That has been a major part of my life since early childhood.

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