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Coyote

5 May

On April 27, I had a dream in which I had two Native American friends, one female and one male, and I was helping them move to a city.

At some point in the dream, at least 2 of us were on a dark and urban street. I was trying to figure out exactly where their new address was. There was a lot of writing on a wall–addresses or address numbers were painted on an old brick wall, and I was trying to trace with a finger the exact spot, while a vehicle was parking right there in front of it. There was s strip of pink and purple paint, and I was murmuring the name of the street or apartment: Weatherplace, or something like that.

I dreamed that I had set up a video camera in my bedroom–this bedroom–and I was looking at video footage…and discovered that a baby coyote had been repeatedly curling up and sleeping at the foot of my bed. It was cute, but I figured it was getting in through the skylight, like my cats, and since this was a wild animal, that had to stop.

This evening I went to see a play that had a Native American theme—scenes with Lewis and Clark and modern scenes at Standing Rock. One of the characters was named Coyote…which is also the name of a Native trickster deity.

 

A Dream about…not Being Yourself

3 May

I had a dream about a wealthy and privileged young man from a Middle Eastern country.

He lived in an enormous mansion, maybe a palace—the rooms were so huge—and had a lot of extended family and a bunch of friends.

He was spoiled and arrogant. He thought he could just propose to a young woman, and she’d be eager to marry him…so when she jilted him, he was very arrogant and offended, which of course offended her. It seems to me like he had some clash with Westerners; she may have been a Westerner.

He typically wore a suit of lightweight off-white and beige material. He’d wear a jacket/blazer that was beige, over off-white trousers and shirt or tunic. And maybe sometimes an Islamic prayer hat.

Scenes sometimes alternated with moments when I had the perspective of a writer writing this very same story (which happens a lot in my dreams).

Oh, yes…This young man was famous, and crowds gathered to see him. There was a party where he ccx was expected to appear and give a speech, and people kept inquiring about him. But a young male friend of his showed up and announced that he didn’t feel like attending and giving this speech.

The main character believed that he had to be in a perfectly good mood whenever he was around many people (and that was a huge party). He thought he had to be smiling and cheerful and bubbly in all such situations.

People were very disappointed that he wasn’t at the party, and he learned of their displeasure. He came to realize that what he was doing was inappropriate and selfish, so he showed up at the next party and apologized to everyone (or maybe it was the same party). He explained that he’d always assumed that he was supposed to be some character out of a 1960s movie, not a regular person with deep emotions, not someone who was three-dimensional even in public. He promised he’d never do that again–that he’d need a better reason to not show up at parties.

People cheered and were happy. Lots of people were talking at once, many sitting at extremely long couches in a big, central pit. The young prince sat down on one of those couches and stretched an arm across the back. He seemed relaxed now.

Someone cheerfully mentioned a harem.

 

Awake, I see that this dream was about pretending to be someone you’re not because the real you is unacceptable, at least toward your family and society. That has been a major part of my life since early childhood.

I Dreamed that I punched a Repugnantcan

26 Jan

I lived in a fairly large city. I went up cement steps leading to a contemporary glass building. Inside, I was first at a restaurant with long, narrow tables. I think it specialized in noodles and sushi.

Next, in the same building, I went shopping in a huge…shop. I think it sold groceries, among other things. It looked something like Market of Choice.

I felt lonely and melancholy, recalling that I used to shop here with friends….well, frenemies, so of course I was better off without them. But I used to be so sociable, and now I was so alone.

The best part of the shop was a section where they had antique dolls. I was in there, gazing in wonder at some silk-clad Japanese dolls and little porcelain dolls.

A tall, slender, and young female employee with dark blond hair was in an aisle on her knees, stocking merchandise. I went into her aisle and recognized her. Maybe I greeted her. She said, “Susan, [name of another employee] told me that you’re too loud. You’ve got to keep your voice down.”

My mood abruptly shifted from delighted at antique dolls to hurt, shocked, ashamed, and humiliated. I backed away. I considered leaving the shop without buying the many items in my grocery cart.

Next, I was back in the restaurant, where I returned to my table and picked up a dinner roll I’d dropped on the floor.

Next, I was still in the shop, but in a narrow back corridor, the kind that leads to restrooms and water fountains and emergency exits.

An old white woman who was short and skinny and had (probably dyed) short black hair rudely looked me up and down. She said, “A Democrat. Yes, you’re a Democrat.” She moved past me. “Democrats are boring.”

If this happened in real life, hopefully I’d reply, “First of all, no, they’re not. Second, I’m registered Green Party. Third, Repugnantcans are fascist white male supremacists.”

But in the dream, I didn’t say that.

I punched her in the face.

She fell to the floor and lay there moaning and exclaiming, so in seconds I went from feeling satisfied to feeling guilty. I guess I was causing too much noise, even without speaking.

I felt terrible, so I bent down and tried to help the harpy up, but then she started gloating and laughing at me, while a couple other shoppers watched, so I left her on the floor.

Talking Cats and Ramen

23 Jan

I dreamed I was one of three people who died and became cats. We were talking cats in the Bardo or some such place. The three of us gathered together, and I was expecting a dharma talk and expected the other two to be Enlightened, so I was surprised that one of them, a chubby white and brown cat—maybe a short-haired Persian—was curled up in a giant bowl of ramen and spilled noodles over the edge and onto the flat white surface we occupied. This cat was somewhat wiggly and, at the end of the dream, was reaching over the edge to grab the spilled ramen.

*

Earlier, I dreamed that I just moved to the house in Kansas, but it was a bigger and more elegant house furnished beautifully with antiques, mostly Victorian and Edwardian. Other people were there, but they weren’t nasty relatives harassing me; they were friendly people being nice to me, people I happened to know who’d moved to the area or neighborhood.

I wandered around the house a little and was impressed with the antiques. In one room, I think a bedroom, there was a dark brown cabinet. I thought a yellow armchair was attached to it before I realized that no, it was in front of it.

Someone came to visit, and it was a jerk from elementary and high school, but now he was being nice and polite. In the midst of conversation, I paused and asked, “Wait a minute. You lived in Indiana. What are you doing in Kansas?”

I was so enamored with the house that it wasn’t until toward the end of the dream that I started to remember in the back of my head that this was Kansas, a horrible place full of overt misogynists, and I began to wonder, despite the house, if I could stand dwelling in such a place. (In real life, the answer turned out to be an emphatic NO.)

Playmakers, Death, and Tea

22 Jan

I had a dream in which I lived in…a warehouse. It certainly looked like a warehouse. I had my own little corner loft where my bed was located.

A couple of friends were helping me create a play in that same warehouse. We had various unfinished stage sets–structures made of wood and chip board that hadn’t been painted yet–while those two, who were actors, were wrapped up in rehearsing. One was female and the other male. They somehow managed to break a couple of holes in a set–maybe it was a canvas background–and I was beginning to get anxious about getting work done on the sets. I’m not sure what I was working on, probably costumes.

I mentioned to the two of them that I’d appreciate it if they’d take a break from rehearsing and work on the set. They made some excuse, like they needed to get the choreography right, and they exchanged a look that convinced me that they were just humoring me and weren’t really going to go through with this play. They probably thought I was insane.

*

I was an observer, like I was watching a movie.

The setting was a hotel, I think. At least two characters were thieves or something low-class and not respectable.

In a large space just beyond a corridor (both with simple white walls), someone sneaked up behind a man in a waiter’s uniform (white jacket) and killed him somehow. He fell to the floor.

A busy and authoritative woman in black came along with a pot of tea. She was probably the housekeeper. I thought she was going to see the dead body, scream, and drop the tea pot, making it shatter. Instead, she approached a big barrel-like thing full of tea and poured some in. It was in a row of such barrels on the floor and against the wall, along one side of a hallway. A couple of other busy people were in the hallway. First, she said something about more tea, but after pouring some in, she said, “Maybe that’s a little too much tea.”

A Nightmare while Napping

19 Jan

It’s probably not normal to have a nightmare while napping.

I dreamed I was traveling with a group of friends. We were in a building–oh, hell, this was weird. Okay, first, I’d just found out that I was probably pregnant. I was freaking out and hoping it wasn’t true. In a shop inside what looked like an old wooden building, I went in with a female friend, and I was frantically wandering the aisles–it looked like a tiny drug store. There were thermometers that resembled pregnancy tests. I kept seeing those thermometers and thinking they were the tests. First, I saw them on display, then I saw them in many rows stacked in back. I don’t remember finding the pregnancy testers.

I do remember deciding that if I were pregnant, I’d get an abortion, then I regretted no longer having health insurance.

After all that, I was in this different, deeper part of the building with a small group of friends. We stood in a ramp-like corridor talking, but I forget about what.

Soon I wandered and was separated from the group. I wandered around inside the building, which seemed huge.

I wandered into a room noisy with people. It was carpeted in white. I was anxious around these people and wanted to get out of there. I headed toward a staircase, but soon I stepped in red stuff on the carpet and looked down, and a paramedic or someone like that was bending over what looked like a dead person, or at least someone who was dying.

I backed up, trying not to stand or step in blood, and overheard that there was a shooting.

Dreams of Baubles and Gold

28 Dec

I had a dream in which I was joining a commune or going on a meditation retreat. I was in a plain room with some other people, and a woman in her sixties explained that I couldn’t wear necklaces, so I took out all my necklaces and put them in a bin. I took off my rings and put them in a Ziplock bag, because someone said the only jewelry allowed was earrings, which I don’t wear. But a little later, I noticed people wearing rings, at least wedding rings, so I got a hold of that Ziplock bag and searched for my rings. There were tiny things, such as seed beads. I had found a gold wedding ring recently and was searching for that and other rings I wore to the retreat center, but I searched in vain. I kept searching and searching in that bag.

I had a dream in which I was with a talking cat in a room that didn’t have many furnishings. There was a long table along the far wall. There was a litter box full of used kitty litter… but it also contained tiny gold things here and there. It was gross, but I resorted to using my bare hands to get old the gold stuff, beads and such.

Hmmm, I suspect that last dream has to do with traits that I need to pay more attention to, like being an empath and its significance and working at developing my psychic skills, not throwing them away…or not throwing empath abilities away.