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Dreams of Empowerment and Stuff

3 Nov

I had a dream about several butch lesbians who were young (20s) and quite androgynous. I think we were college students, maybe coworkers. There were at least 2 asshole boys, probably jocks, who kept harassing us and trying to scare us.

The place looked like the basement of a building, a school. There was a long hallway, and the room where we gathered was kind of long and had a long table in the center, where we sat and talked. I had been more butch myself but toward the end had shoulder-length black hair. We all had dark hair.

The assholes would jump in through the doorway of that room to scare us.

On the last day in the dream, one of the assholes was lurking in the hallway just outside the room, and as though I was switching back and forth between omniscient and one person’s perspective, I kept going back and forth between being that girl chatting in the room with Sykes, and seeing the asshole goofing off in the hallway. He was dancing on a table on wheels that rolled down the hallway and back. I knew he was planning on sneaking up on us, while 3 of us were In the room talking about how those assholes kept bothering us. I was very anxious, thinking they wanted to harm us and expecting something bad to happen any minute. And the assholes were so smug and arrogant, so self-entitled.

At some point, there were several people in front of a coat closet in the hallway, and they included at least one conventionally attractive young blond woman.

 

I had a dream involving a cute little pig at a park along with a fat, short-haired, middle-aged woman who, after she greeted the pig and touched its nose with her finger, developed an ability to fly. She was delighted, as she slowly started drifting into the sky. There were a bunch of people nearby, and she happily called out to them, “Hey, look, I can fly!” She kept saying it and flying higher, until she was slightly above the roof of a small building and glided forward, above it. She was utterly delighted, not worried that she wasn’t in control. She added, “You might be able to fly, too!” There was a sense that others could develop this ability. Joyful.

A Dream about Social Rejection and Gaslighting

27 Oct

I had a dream in which I was one of four young women, in our twenties, going to a convention. They kind of singled me out for ridicule while we were all sitting in a shuttle. One of them may have been in the military. They were all skinny and white, with long red hair or long blond hair; the one to my left had titian hair.

They were talking about something, and I was trying to follow. The one on my right said something about red-heads. I didn’t understand what she meant and asked. She spoke quickly and seemingly, and part of what she said was, “You’re rather a fool…”

I felt as though she slapped me. That may have been when I scooted further away from her and said, “You’re mean, and I don’t like you.”

She then accused me of being snobby and insulting, and I said, “You’re projecting,” though simultaneously I felt confused and was trying to figure out if that was true and wondering what I said or did to make her think that. (That clearly represented gaslighting.)

Meanwhile, I sensed that the other two were on her side against me they didn’t come to my defense.

At some point in the dream, I was standing with a bunch of luggage in front of an elevator in what looked like a hotel hallway. I’d been sent to another hotel, while everyone else was checked into the hotel where the con was taking place, so here I was being switched to the con hotel. Several people were standing there talking with me. The elevator was taking a long time.

Kay appeared, and I chatted with her. There was a high, long window to our right, and she pointed out how close we were to the ocean. We were in Hawaii. I stood on tiptoes and peeked, and I could see a beach and water rolling toward it, and I got excited about where we were.

The elevator finally arrived, and by then many people had been waiting for it. I may have been the person who made a comment about how we’d get all that luggage onto the elevator. Someone took the comment very seriously, and next thing you know, people backed off, and I was one of only a few on the elevator, and it was only half full. I felt guilty that I was one of the lucky ones.

Another scene, back in the shuttle: the vehicle was moving, surrounded by traffic, and I was seated on the left side and looking with my head turned toward a little front window–it was like riding a tuk-tuk in Nepal. I saw that we were about to drive through a tunnel.

My mind was full of self-doubt in this dream. I had thought I was sort of like a compassionate warrior, an activist working for the greater good, but right then I was wondering if I was evil, some selfish villain. It would explain why nobody liked or respected me. (Interestingly, that sounds like me when I’m being gaslighted.)

Queer Fish

25 Oct

I had a dream in which I was at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. It looked completely different. I was in this maybe outdoor theater with grey wooden seating forming perhaps a circle.

People were wandering around on the steps between the seats, I think after a performance. There was a buzz of talking. Actors may have been wandering among the patrons.

Suddenly, a giant, slimy, yellow fish dropped out of nowhere. It was right behind the wooden auditorium, at the bottom of a set of wooden steps. Two male actors in Renaissance costumes struggled to pick it up, as it flapped around. I think it attempted to crawl along the ground.

I climbed down, near to the fish, and a much smaller fish, maybe a foot long, dropped out of nowhere. It was mostly off-white but with fins and tail made of rainbow colors, and it had a rainbow-colored unicorn horn. It was as though a trout mated with a queer narwal.

I soon forgot the huge fish (which was about the size of 2 humans) and was the only person who concentrated on the rainbow fish. I chased after it, though it was trying to crawl away in grass. I think grass. I grabbed it, and one of its fins or something slipped off.

I kept going after it, near a wooden staircase, and the next time I grabbed it, its unicorn corn fell off, and it kept quickly crawling away from me. It was so slippery, I was having trouble grasping onto it. I felt horrified that the fish was falling apart while I chased it.

Disturbing Dreams

31 Aug

I dreamed I was a spy in a city. I was a pedestrian on a street corner, across the street from a big, post-modern glass building. I stood looking casual and watching the crowd walk by…but watching specific people. Many people walked by, not only on the sidewalk but also right through the street itself; there were no vehicles, only pedestrians.

I waited for just the right moment and was watching a tall and slender woman (she looked something like Tilda Swinton) and at least one other person. They were among the people who were sort of dancing in the street. The woman made eye contact with me once, or at least looked at me, so I worked harder at exuding indifference and blending in.

When a tall and slender male spy who was my coworker casually, slowly, crossed the street through the crowd, I waited a beat and crossed the street.

Inside the glass building, it looked like a library. The walls were lined with books. In a far corner, I approached a very tall ladder. Just above the ladder was a loft with more books, and a petite young female friend of mine was up on that loft and looking through books.

A very professional-looking woman in what I think was a dark blue 1950s skirt suit was walking by in nearly the center of the room, and she sternly said, “She can’t be up there!” She was loud, and I knew she was talking to me about my friend. I didn’t comment, just stopped in the corner and looked at the ladder and up at her. I felt shaken up by the stern woman’s comment, and I felt very nervous not only because of her but also because of this friend, whose personality was similar to the Worst Frenemy in the Galaxy, at least in her disregard for rules and her arrogant belief that they didn’t apply to her and she could do whatever she wanted.

She glanced down at me and spoke…but I couldn’t hear her. I realized she was behind glass. I looked up at her nervously and quietly said that the woman said she couldn’t be up there, but I doubted she could hear me. I had no idea what to do. She was sitting on the floor of the loft, sitting with knees bent and books lying around her and one open in front of her. She wore a brown tweed pencil skirt and a white knit top. Her outfit also looked 1950s.

 

Later, I was in dreaming that I was in a living room with a guy and maybe a woman. There was a white couch on the side, and someone was already seated at one end of it, and she was reading, and I joined her with a book I was reading, a biography of a Hollywood celebrity, a very unusual book for me. The guy (tall, white, wearing a suit) was standing over me and condescendingly criticizing me for reading such a frivolous book, about a celebrity.

I explained that if the subject of the biography weren’t famous, nobody would read her book, because they wouldn’t know about her…of they wouldn’t recognize her and therefore be interested in the book. He was standing over me, and I think I perched on the arm of the chair instead of the seat. Or maybe I eventually moved to a seat cushion.

 

I don’t think this was the same dream as the one with the glass building.

I was with a young woman who was a very close friend with whom I spent a lot of time, and I think we were walking around inside a large building, perhaps a mall or a department store like Macy’s.

She was talking and talking and talking more or less nonstop, in a monologue. I felt ill at ease, although she was in a good mood and I don’t think she verbally abused me at all throughout the dream. However, she was a lot like the Worst Frenemy in the Galaxy in her personality. She tended to be volatile, often changed personalities and would out of the blue be showering me with verbal abuse, so I was very ill at ease and kept expecting that to happen. I was walking on eggshells, as I so often was with her…although never sufficiently. She frequently managed to catch me unawares.

Homeowning and Social Media

25 Aug

I dreamed that even though I had a big house (that included an apartment) in SE Portland, I decided to get an apartment in NE Portland. They were both about a hundred years old and really quaint, and I was working on home improvements. The apartment was mostly painted white and pale blue inside. In the new apartment, I wondered if this was a good idea and found myself starting to regret it, since I already had an entire house and it seemed excessive to have more than one place.

I dreamed I had a big, cluttered basement and was decluttering it. There was a ping-pong table, and a few things on top of it. I had a large screen, like for a projector, and what looked something like credits was rolling downward on the screen.

On the projector, I noticed something that looked like a letter from the Wizarding world of Harry Potter. It said “Dear Skye… [last name I forget].” I exclaimed about it–that I had a magic name I didn’t know about–and Jill was there, urging me to write it down and saying something about how she got her magic name and found out its meaning after writing it down.

I scrambled to find something to write on and with. I thought I had a pen on the ping-pong table, but it was some elaborate calligraphy contraption I’d had since the 1990s and it was probably dried up, even if I could remember how to use it.

By the time I found pen and paper, the letter was no longer scrolling on the screen, and I couldn’t find that name.

I went to some sort of Harry Potter shop–maybe part of an amusement park. It was inside what looked like the hallway of a modern building, and it had dark tile. There were some tables with toys and figurines on them for purchase. I thought, “Why is it whenever Goodreads on Twitter as is what you’re reading, a bunch of people say “Harry Potter? Bloody read something else!”

I approached a cash register, with a young woman behind it, and I noticed a set of little cat figurines that were mostly pink. I was fascinated and rearranged them a bit.

I never did find again that name and write it down.

I wonder…was the dream about wanting to know myself better? Was it about how I’ve had so much trouble getting to know myself because narcissists and sociopaths have always been around to gaslight me and tell me who I “am”?

Dinosaur Man

31 Jul

I dreamed that I was out in the woods. I got lost at some point, wandering away from my campground. I think someone hostile had scared me away, and I figured if I went back too soon, they’d still be there. So after wandering in a confusing direction, I looked out over a slope that was quite beautiful, and I thought: the Shire. I stepped forward from the path and into the field and reached into my pocket to get my camera phone, but it was gone. To my dismay, I realized I left my phone behind. For a second, I considered going back for it…and changed my mind.

I kept walking across the field. As I came closer to what looked like a dense forest straight ahead, I saw a path into it to the right and recognized that entrance. I knew where I was!

Someone was coming after me, running across the field. He looked like a dinosaur with a man’s body, or a man with a dinosaur’s head. He wore blue jeans and a pink t-shirt. I panicked and ran.

We reached the opening at just about the same time, and there was the path and a little wooden bridge before me. He smacked his back against a right-side wall and growled, and I growled back…until I realized he was just some guy in a fake dinosaur head.

The path before me resembled that of a science museum, despite my just being in the wild. I no longer felt fearful and walked along the path.

*

I dreamed I was one of about three people visiting a tall and skinny guy in his 60s. The imagery in the dream, even when we were talking with the guy inside his house, kept going back to the narrow, curved street he lived on. It appeared to be just off the highway. The houses, on the left, were up on a slope and very close to each other. I was telling him that while house-hunting, I avoid streets like this, because I want to live in a place where it’s not difficult to find a parking place. This street was definitely not one of those places. To the left, below the houses, no stop cars were parked.

The dream ended with a whole bunch of cars and motorcycles departing simultaneously and thus many parking places becoming available.

Dreams about Publishing and Education

29 Jul

I had a dream in which I was speaking with someone who was passing me a package that was probably a manuscript. That person said, “We want to publish _Barbaric Invasion _.”

After waking, I was aware that I’ve barely begun that novel. Also, that’s a working title that I’ll probably replace with something better.

*

I dreamed I was a college student and had some confusion during a class. An instructor announced a special project we would be doing that afternoon. If sounded interesting but daunting.

Later, I was running around getting errands done and realized that I was running late for the class that involved that project. I wasn’t even sure where we were meeting.

I think that was the same dream involving a somewhat dark and huge room containing gothic revival furniture. Benches with red velvet padding and dark wood that formed arches. There were much smaller, similar pieces of furniture that were alters, I knew, and one of them contained dollhouse miniatures, including a bed.