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Keep Your Bad Vibes to Yourself

24 Jan

Apparently, I pay doctors and nurse practitioners to traumatize me. I guess that’s one of the things you can expect if you’re an empath in this asshole-infested world.

I dislike creepy assholes. I dislike arrogant and bossy assholes. I dislike judgmental assholes. And I dislike people who are all of the above.

He wanted me to bring a list of my meds, so I did. This is 2019; I’m sure plenty of people bring lists of their meds on a smartphone. If you have a problem with smartphones, that’s your problem. Don’t give off creepy vibes and snap at me just because I didn’t waste a tree on my list.

I’ve wondered if most patients can’t stand him, but of course not all patients are full-blown empaths. Maybe most don’t notice his bad energy or don’t even notice how brusque and bossy and disrespectful he is. I don’t know how people couldn’t notice.

As if I haven’t had enough Gaslighting

5 Oct
Every woman and girl in every patriarchal country has been gaslighted since the day she was born. The past two weeks have been a nightmare, not unlike being in an abusive relationship.
Today I realized that, emotionally, the past two weeks have felt like being in an abusive relationship.
The abuser in this relationship is the Senate judiciary committee. The abuser is the government of this fucking country, which has told every woman and girl, and every survivor of sexual harassment, sexual assault, or rape, that they don’t matter and that they are invalid. It has told yet another sexual predator that he’s so fucking valid that he’s fucking entitled to be on the Supreme Court, taking away women’s reproductive rights.
This calls for a REVOLUTION.
Facebook had an event on September 27: a rally in Portland, in support of Christine Blasey Ford, across from the courthouse. It began at noon, and I didn’t get organized in time to leave by 10 am…so I posted a comment on the event page.
“It’s too late for me to drive the 2 hours, so instead of attending, I’ll be revising a story about sexual harassment. But I’ll be with you in spirit.”
Just this morning–days later–an entitled male troll fucking reacted with a “laughing face” and commented, “What do you mean revise? Make stuff up?”
I became so furious that my hands were shaking as I typed. At first, I was going to reply before blocking the fucking piece of shit, but I remembered my usual policy of not replying to trolls. I didn’t want this smug and arrogant misogynist and possible sexual predator to have the satisfaction of thinking he’d succeeded. So I deleted what I’d started to write with very shaky hands, blocked the parasite….yelled KILL ALL MISOGYNISTS a few times, and then found the event again and posted this comment:
“The only good troll is the one under the Fremont Bridge. “Revising” doesn’t fucking mean “making stuff up.” It means revising, asshole. As in adding more details. Your attempts to gaslight and invalidate me only prove that you’re devoid of any redeeming quality.”
 I then posted a variation onto my Facebook page:
“The only good troll is the one under the Fremont Bridge.
“Revising” an autobiographical story about sexual harassment doesn’t fucking mean “making stuff up.” It means revising, asshole. As in ADDING MORE DETAILS. Your attempts to gaslight and invalidate me only prove that you’re devoid of any redeeming quality.
And I really, really enjoyed blocking your evil, soulless, entitled ass.”
As a fiction writer, I do indeed make things up. I look forward to writing a story in which a group of vigilante feminists chop rapists, sexual predators, the politicians who gaslight us and reward sexual predators, and gaslighters. At the very least, I could post it on a fan fiction site as Dietland (by Sarai Walker) fan fiction.

Empathy-less Fools Wallowing in their Privileges

10 Feb

I read multiple books at a time and am currently reading the anti-rape book Asking for It by Kate Harding and the book So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo. Both books bring up something I find bizarre about our society: large numbers of human beings are victim-blamers and dismissive and disbelieving of victims/survivors of things like rape and police brutality… because these vast numbers of citizens believe that this reality is essentially just and kind.

Who the hell are these naive and callous victim-blaming idiots? Can anyone over the age of twelve live in this reality and have such assumptions?

Maybe these are all extremely sheltered and wealthy, white, able-bodied, cisgender males who have no mental illness (because people with such a clueless outlook must skip through life with major privileges) and who have only been close to people who share approximately the same privileges as they. They have very little empathy and absolutely none for underdogs, so they’re extremely not empaths (indeed, some are probably narcissists/sociopaths). They smugly wallow in their privilege and are extremely closed-minded and must not read much nonfiction or pay attention to others.

How can this reality contain such a vast number of humans who fit that description? Well, what I’ve just described does remind me of maddening white males who wallow in their privileges and take them for granted; I’ve had many a disturbing conversation with the likes of them. Furthermore, anyone who grows up female in this society is conditioned to be afraid of potential attackers at all times—try to avoid going out after dark, carry pepper spray, that sort of thing. So I can’t see how anyone female who has lived in this reality all her life and is over the age of four could possibly be one of these naive and near-empathy-less citizens who believe that most rape victims are lying about it and that there’s no such thing as systemic racism.

I certainly wouldn’t want any of these willfully ignorant fools in a jury or for a judge. Oh, yeah, that phrase “willfully ignorant”: perhaps that’s a clue as to how these people function.

Maybe they just spent almost their entire life in a totally different quantum reality, one that really is very fair and just, and where karma has almost immediate consequences, and just yesterday they crossed through a magic portal into this grim reality. I’d love to cross to the other side of that portal and live in a kind and just world! But it wouldn’t transform me into a willfully ignorant, callous, and victim-blaming… sociopath.

Even as a writer and reader of fantasy fiction, I don’t harbor delusions that this reality is a kind and just world. This country needs to wake up and have a great deal more empathy and compassion and be educated and aware about the very real and systemic misogyny and racism embedded in this society.