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House Dream

25 Jul

I dreamed that I lived in a big old Craftsman house, one of those tall rectangular ones. I went out into the front yard for some reason, and some random young woman going past (walking? Or biking?) scowled at me and gave me the finger. I had no idea, but I said to myself, “Okay, I’d better hurry up and get the fence and gate set up.” It was weird and random, and she didn’t even seem like a neo-Nazi or anything like that—just a bully, I guess. But she did give me that feeling of being unsafe and needing to hurry up with the fence and gate.

I looked around and realized that I was actually on the corner in front of the house next door rather than directly in front of my house. Who knows, maybe she had a grudge against my next-door neighbor. But it was still creepy and made me anxious to get back inside and hide from the world.

Next, I was entering the house, and there was a little front room—actually, more like a back exit room than a front hall—where several real estate signs were propped up against the wall. It was the first time I’d noticed them, and I started to look through them.

In this reality, I thought I was going to get a fence and driveway gate really soon and even measured for it, but some other home improvements have proved to be more urgent.

Dream involving India and Dodos

20 Jul

I dreamed I was visiting India. (It’s been a decade since I was last there.)

There was an airport scene in which I saw a whole bunch of Indian people wearing traditional orange clothing, and I felt bad that I wasn’t wearing something more Indian; I was in winter clothes, including a beret.

Later, in India, I was at the edge of a lake, as were a great many people. The lake (or pond) was surrounded by dark, tall, skinny trees, and I kept looking beyond them at the brown water. I may have seen animals in or near the water. Most people were looking in the opposite direction, perhaps at flying kites. Anyway, I was near an extremely skinny old man in a dhoti and white t-shirt. Just beyond him was a young woman (30s?) and a small child to whom she was speaking. I was eavesdropping and may have butted in with as question.

I was working on a craft project: sewing intricate little things such as beads and bits of lace onto a red hat. It was all found items that I added to the hat. I think–maybe earlier—I was admiring someone else’s craft project, perhaps a gown practically covered in beads.

At the edge of the trees surrounding the lake, right in front of me, was a simple white sign that had several sentences in neat black handwriting. One of the lines was: “Site of the last dodo.” I was utterly fascinated by this and had no idea dodos existed in India (they didn’t) and wanted to know the story behind that. I asked the old man, but he seemed scared that I spoke to him, so I turned to the young woman, but she was deep in conversation with the child, and after the old guy’s horrified reaction, I felt too shy to speak to anyone. I resumed focusing on my craft project.

Crafty

17 Jul

I dreamed that I worked in an office: a large room full of rows of long, dark brown tables where numerous people sat with a comfortable amount of space between them. I approached a supervisor at a table in the front of the room, and there were some boxes. She assigned me a project: I had to complete toy mice or something like that, which someone else had started.

She showed me a box of partially done projects that included calico cloth dolls in a variety of colorful patterns and shaped like gingerbread cookies; there was more bright and colorful calico, to make clothing for these dolls, which were not stuffed.

While I was standing before the manager and getting projects and looking at other projects, Jon (from Sagebrush) was also there, and she assigned him a project. Each of us returned to our table, which we shared with at least one more person.

Getting paid to do crafts? Now that’s a job I’d enjoy!

Still Having Nightmares about Relatives

13 Jul

Once in a while, I still have dreams/nightmares about toxic relatives. If you think about it, it makes sense: relatives are with you beginning the day you’re born and continue to be in your face for many years, so of course they affect you.

I dreamed that I lived in a big old house that was somewhat like the one in Kansas, and unfortunately, some toxic relatives broke into the house (just like they often did in Kansas). The house had a fireplace and appeared to be Craftsman and had hardwood floors. It had plain white walls. There was a big living room, where my mother nagged me about something. At some point, one batshit aunt was there, and I think she was standing in front of me and holding something while giving me a condescending and closed-minded asshole lecture (again, just like in real life).

Later in the dream, my mother and Evil Aunt Ethel were standing in the living room and condescendingly talking at me, and I had a doorway behind me. I was utterly horrified when I noticed that Evil Aunt Ethel was smoking inside the house. (Strange, since she wasn’t a smoker and this sounds like my mother.) It looked like maybe a clove cigarette—instead of my mother’s Marlboros—it was thin and light brown. I complained that she was smoking, and the two of them just stood there arrogantly smirking at me. This was so typical of my asshole mother—narcissist—puffing away at her cancer sticks because she cared more about them than she ever cared about her own children.

Enraged, I turned and went through the doorway and through several rooms, toward the back of the house, with the intention of escaping this house that she was contaminating, even though it was my house.

I got to the very back room, and it was a tiny little room…where there was a cat bed occupied by a very old grey and white cat. The cat was calm and silent, so different from toxic relatives. I knelt and petted the cat for some time.

 

This may have been a different dream. I dreamed something about social life—about other former IOW volunteers, and hanging out with them and having a great time. Connection. Real connection, not the toxicity of relatives.

Toward the end of the dream, I dropped in at an apartment building where Nicole lived, and I went down a long hallway—it was like the hallway in the other part of the building that I lived in for five years in St. Louis—a building from the 1910s, with a hallway reminiscent of my college dorm or of a private eye’s office. In the dream, I knocked on the door and talked with her, and we agreed to meet at a certain place later, like 5 pm that day. After she closed the door and I started to walk away, I realized I hadn’t mentioned the address, and I was tempted to knock on her door again and tell her the address, but that seemed intrusive, and I hoped she had the address. That was the end of the dream.

Social Anxiety Dream

5 Jul

The last dream I had before waking was a bit stressful. I was staying at someone’s house and had two suitcases, and there were a lot of people at the house. The interior looked like it might have been a Craftsman and looked a lot like the house in Kansas. People were talking and milling around.

Someone invited me to go see a play that very night, and it was already afternoon, probably late afternoon. I only had a little time to figure out what I was going to wear. Right there with all those people around to see, I went through both my suitcases in the living room. I wanted to wear something completely black and dressy, really appropriate for going to the theater. Going through my luggage, I picked out a shiny pair of dressy slacks, but otherwise I couldn’t find anything I was looking for. In particular, I was searching for a shirt and socks. I kept finding casual and dorky clothing, and I found bright colors and not black. Meanwhile, some people were lining up to go to the theater; they were lining up in the wide archway between the living room and the dining room. I was under the impression that one of my former frenemies (a narcissist) was there, which increased my anxiety; I hoped she wouldn’t notice me.

Finally, I compromised and grabbed a pair of low dark brown socks. But when I slipped one of them on, it turned into a bright pink bunny slipper. I was utterly horrified, and people standing nearby looked down and stared at the slipper. I absolutely didn’t want to wear this to the theater!

I figure it was a dream about social anxiety. The online dream dictionary Dream Moods says that if you’re dreaming about getting dressed up, it’s because you aren’t giving yourself enough credit for your accomplishments. Well, if you’ve had too many toxic people in your life who didn’t give you enough credit for your accomplishments–including one gaslighting you, accusing you of being devoid of talent–it makes sense.

Dream about a Building

3 Jul

I dreamed I was attending a convention in a huge building. It had a lot of white walls and large rooms and large corridors.

When I needed to use the bathroom, I headed down one of those corridors, and there were doors leading into hotel rooms. I saw someone else go into a hotel room presumably to use the restroom, so I picked a different hotel room…and apparently someone was staying there, perhaps an architect, because there was stuff in this room.

On a shelf above the bed, there were many miniatures that reminded me of dollhouse miniatures, though some of them were a smaller scale. There was a miniature of a building, and some miniature furniture, too small for standard dollhouse size. I blinked and saw more miniatures—I turned and saw a bunch of them on a shelf next to a closet door. The miniatures included tiny sculptures and paintings that would fit into a modern or post-modern dollhouse. I was fascinated by the miniatures but realized I’d better get out of there before I got caught snooping in someone else’s room.

I stepped out of the room, and a male dwarf was there; I knew he was waiting for me to get out of his room. So I said, “Sorry,” feeling really embarrassed. As I started to walk away, I added, “Nice miniatures.”

I looked around for another hotel room or restroom, and I kept seeing college classrooms with students in class, listening to a professor speaking. I kept wandering down the immense hallway. I came to a section where there was an elegant white railing, kind of like a loft but reminiscent of a balcony inside Powell Symphony Hall and overlooking the main lobby. Across the distance above what was perhaps a similar lobby, I saw a matching railing, and beyond that a bunch of children were having what appeared to be art class; they were making stuff out of colorful paper. They were noisy and sounded happy.

So the building was a combination convention center, college, hotel, and daycare center. I guess.

Old House Dreams

25 Jun

I dreamed that I’d recently moved into a big, rambling Victorian mansion. I lived with other people there, I think my parents and at least one servant or caretaker. Maybe a groundskeeper? There were other people here and there in the house.

I was in an upstairs hallway, where there was a very elaborately carved, flowery wainscoting. I touched it while I was walking along. I heard someone coming and felt shy, so I threw open a door…and it opened onto a closet that was full of things that I knew belonged to a catholic church (the house had such connections in the nineteenth century). There were wooden chairs—that’s the main thing I remember in that closet—that may have been carved with Xian designs on them (a very weird thing for me to dream).

I wandered some more and found other closets in the hallway. One was I think a walk-in closet.

Urgh, I’ve been awake for about half an hour, and I can’t remember that much.

 

This may have been the same dream: I was inside a house and looked out a window…to see that the people who were removing the oil tank in the front yard had, as part of their project, dug up a shallow layer of the front lawn (this house was different from the one I actually live in). There was a bit of a slope on the right side of the house, and the brown dirt of the dug-up yard met with a snow-covered stretch in shade.

*

I also had a dream in which I was with my parents and brother, and we were about to go out somewhere, I think out for dinner. I had a Victorian-looking purse (with a metal clasp and metal loopy strap, and embroidered in red and other colors) that, in the reality of the dream, was a Jewish tradition. It was traditional to take the purse with me to dinner.

In our house (quite a house-themed early morning), I had found a couple of very small, old Santa Claus figurines that were nothing alike. One was maybe made of chenille or cloth, and the other clay or porcelain. While we were standing near the front door, about to go out, Francis was holding them and looking over them and making comments. He passed them back to me, and I tucked them into my elaborate purse, even though that wasn’t part of the Jewish tradition with this kind of purse.