Tag Archives: humor

A Use for Trolls

27 Feb

I’m not sure if this will be small parts of a larger work—probably—but I could put trolls into fiction, with tiny roles. Bit parts. Bit parts…with little bits. Here’s an example, using today’s troll:

The enormous green troll grabbed by the ankles a smug and arrogant white boy, a ninth grader who skipped class that day. He’d been known by his classmates to harass girls since kindergarten and often wore a red baseball cap with white letters saying, “Make America Great Again.” The troll lifted this boy up into the air and swung him around. The boy’s head kept thumping against the ground, and he became unconscious, his smug smirk fading.

Chinese Authorities and Underwear

27 Feb

I’m scrolling through a travel journal and reformatting it. It’s from my trip to India, Nepal, and Tibet in 2008. I came across this:

 

I recall reading that, for whatever reason, China doesn’t allow you to bring more than twenty changes of underwear. When I read about that, I imagined what it could be like when a Chinese authority looks through my suitcase.

“You have too much underwear! You are a member of a splittist faction!”

“No, that’s just a rip in the seam.”

“Why you have Dalai Lama pictures in your underwear?”

“I figured of all the places that would least likely get looked at carefully…”

This is so crazy—I’m in Tibet for real! I’d like to take a picture of a yeti, but I won’t be out in the wild, and I doubt a yeti would be circumambulating the Jokhang Temple.

 

The Department of Illness and Human Disservices

2 May

I had a respiratory infection for much of April and otherwise was wrapped up in intensive novel writing with a little help from Camp NaNoWriMo, so I took a break from politics for a month. But I’m back, and here’s my latest letter to my senators and representative:

Dear Senator,

Donald Dump has nominated yet another deranged moron, Teresa Manning, to the Department of Health and Human Services, which apparently needs to change its name to the Department of Illness and Human Disservices.

Manning wrote a “pro-life” book (in other words, misogynistic and unscientific propaganda), ludicrously claiming that birth control doesn’t work and that abortion causes breast cancer; these are both absurd lies. She doesn’t respect women’s right to control their own bodies and dishonestly pontificates to convince the gullible into agreeing with her about taking away reproductive rights. This fool should not oversee our nation’s health.

This latest lunatic appears to be a cisgender female, which translates as a privileged, wealthy, white man trapped in a woman’s body who had her tubes tied.

 

Please do all you can to prevent this latest extremely unqualified nominee from getting the position.

My Cat Virginia’s Antics

28 Apr

 

(Photos: Virginia on the dashboard and Haedrig looking up at Virginia while she climbs a tree)

In the morning, I took two boxes of incense out of a clear plastic bin and carried them across the hallway to the meditation room. Virginia followed me. I keep the door closed, so she doesn’t pee on the rug, so entering that room is a special treat. She wandered around, mewing cheerfully and swishing her big, fluffy tail. She walked to the ceramic Siamese Buddha in the corner… and she bit the Buddha. I scooped her up, carried her out of the room, and closed the door.

I came home, parked the car, and opened the car door. Virginia promptly climbed into the car and jumped onto the dashboard, where she shifted around, eyed her surroundings with inquisitive mews, and bit the dashboard. Meanwhile, Gabriel also jumped into the car, but after some sniffing around he jumped back out. I had to carry out Virginia.

A few days before all this, Virginia was in the neighbor’s yard, so I walked toward her, and she ran up a tree. Meanwhile, Gabriel and Haedrig ran down the sidewalk after me. I found myself in the awkward position of standing in the next-door neighbor’s yard with two of my cats and coaxing a third cat out of a tree.